4,381 Miles, still thinking about Guatemala..

Posted by on Feb 12, 2015 in Chris' BBB Moto Adventure, Uncategorized | 0 comments

4,381 Miles, still thinking about Guatemala..

Well, I made it.   It took 28 days and 4,381 miles and I will be sleeping in my own bed tonight, and making my own tea tomorrow at the Belize Treetop Villa But before I do, I feel like I still need to wrap up on Guatemala as I was lacking internet and time.   So, I will do that.   Guatemala:  wow, what an interesting place:   I never did get a decent cup of tea in Guatemala.   Not a huge tea drinking people.   I really struggled with communicating…..why can’t they understand me when I say “miel” the word for honey almost perfectly?   The blank stares that I get are so frustrating.   They don’t get the water hot enough.  Anyway, I digress…..I have my own little world around tea.  So, here are my comedic outtakes on Guate and don’t miss the video below after reading this post:

1.  They are strong!   Jesus, (they like Jesus) they can carry wood like a pack mule.   They put a strap around their forehead and they hang like, I don’t know, maybe, 100 pounds of firewood along their backside with all of the weight strapped to their foreheads.   And the women, they do it too, and they can also balance a bundle of whatever on top of their heads like it’s nothing.  It’s like the size of a fit ball crammed with wood and water and I don’t know what?

2.  The smells! More smells than you can imagine.   From the acrid smell of burning trash, a kind of chemically bitter smell, that makes you want to stop breathing to animals to flowers to exhaust.   There are good smells though, flowers and honeysuckle….but there is also that unmistakable sewage smell.   uggh….

3.  Colors…..The country is colorful.   Lots of color on the hillside and the dress is very colorful.   They are not afraid to rock a Guatemalan plaid, with a flannel shirt tucked in.  I dig the dress.  I need to make some changes to my wardrobe.

Oh, I tried to have breakfast twice the other day.   First I had the continental breakfast at my hotel and of course they gave me a tepid water tea, then they tried to reheat it, then I made them just start over and do it again, and I got another tea bag myself and made it correctly, then they tried to charge me for tea twice?   The nerve of these people?!   Anyway, they didn’t have marmalade which it clearly stated on the menu and the Pan Tostada, was horrible.  So, I drove back from Rio Dulce, and headed for the border but before I did, I thought I would try to have breakfast again.   I asked for eggs cooked over easy, and french toast, what I got was more semi toasted toast with unmelted butter and two eggs cooked as hard as you can get them.  There was no “french” in that toast.    They do Tortillas just fine, but I was really getting sick of them and they never understand that I want some honey for them!   Miel, how many ways can you say it?

4.  The roads:   Holy mother of god.   On the map it says Route 5 with a little thing around the five that you would see on any interstate, but holy jesus, (the love him) they are freaking but busting dirt roads on crazy hillside hanging cliffs.   It’s all good now, I look back and I’m glad I did it but sometimes I was scared I would break down and be stranded for days.    I should have listened when they said, “the bus drivers go this way” I didn’t.   It also gets very cold in the hills, hence breaking out the coconut husk pants again.

5.  Emissions:   And this goes for Mexico too.   I am now 100% happy to go to get my emissions testing done and will gladly pay the fee from now on.   If they had emissions testing here, there would be zero cars on the road, because, every car on the road, every truck and van on the road spews out this horrible black sooty mess out of it’s tail pipe.   I choked on the shit for over a month.   Oh well, don’t think it’s going to change.    Just wanted to let you know.

6.  Cottage industries:   (MEX too) Car & Moto washes are prevalent, tortilla makers are everywhere, I know that Taller Pinchazo is a mechanic and they are a dime a dozen, but my favorite is that on the crappy little back roads there will be a group of men that will work on the road.   They are not really a road crew or paid by the government or any municipality, but they work on the road, not that it is doing a bit of good, the road needs a crew of 1000 and a few million dollars, but they sort of half pretend to do some work and then they ask you for money to help them.   Its great!   Sometimes they would hold up a rope so you couldn’t go past, sometimes not, but I would always stop and give them a few Quetzals.   If was so funny.

That’s about it, oh, why is it when I ask for directions to a town or whatever that they can’t just point?   So, here is how it goes.   I am on a road that only goes two ways.   I ask something like, donde esta Coban? And I know the answer, but I just want them to point definitively in the direction I am to go, but what they do is sort of point RANDOMLY,  and then the hand goes straight up into the air and they say derecho, or directo of some shit like that and it’s like wait a minute, This way or that way?   POINT!  Had to get that out.   I think I have some video of it somewhere.   OH MY GOD, here it is, you MUST watch this video.   You will see what I mean, and you will laugh your ass off.

 

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